This is me cleaning

I intended to be cleaning my closet right now, but I decided to blog instead. I decided to blog because I was just thinking how 2013 is almost over, already. It feels like just yesterday people were freaking out about the end of the world. Oh wait, they still are. =P

So I was reading through my old blogs the other night (see I told you I do that), and realized I never put a better picture of my cat Myah on here. I will put one up this time though. I'll also put a picture of my doggy on here because I haven't in awhile, and she's grown since the last time I put a picture of her on here. Don't think I'm crazy because you think I have a lot of animals. Well, I do have a lot of animals, but they are all taken care of so that's what counts. Seriously, I have 1 dog, 4 cats, 2 rabbits, and 3 degus. That's actually not too many now that I see it typed out. Whenever I tell people they act like I have a huge farm or something. Maybe I do to them, because some people are content with just a dog or two, or maybe a dog and a cat. I guess I could be content with a couple dogs, but I like cats too. Just not when they scratch me.

Holy I think I was rambling. Oh well, it's good to ramble. Ramble, rumble, tumble, bumble. What am I on? Nothing. I'm just in a good mood I guess. I really should clean my closet so I'm gonna end this entry now, but not before I post the pictures.

Meet a better picture of Myah!

Zecadia! I actually took this picture last year but it's my favorite at the moment.  She just turned 3 years old this past June.

 Okie dokie, I'm going to attempt once again to clean my closet so I can open it and not get attacked by random things. I'll write again soon probably! Bye! :3

Why Do I Have This Blog?

Sometimes I wonder why I even have this blog. I only write in it when I'm really irritated. I only write in it once every two months. OH WELL I'M KEEPING IT ANYWAY. It's good to write sometimes and vent to myself. So when I come back to read it I can be like "oh you poor soul." Anyway I did come here to vent so just skip this if you don't care, because you probably don't.

I'm starting this off with a question. WHY can't people take a hint? I'll also say that I love my friends, (the few that I have) but sometimes I just need my own space. I would rather be by myself than be around people, which my friend is the opposite. She is a party animal and I am not. I don't mind going out sometimes but after awhile it gets to be too much and I just want to be by myself, but she won't leave me alone. I even told her I'm sick (which I really am), and she still acts like she wants to hang out with me. It's not a huge deal but I don't want to be around people when I'm sick. I don't even really like being around people when I'm not sick. Introvert problems. D:
I just want to stay home, by myself. Relax, by myself. Listen to music, by myself. Is that too much to ask?

Venting done. My niece's birthday party was yesterday. It was kinda fun, but when I got there I felt really overwhelmed because there was a lot of people there and they were all inside. But I got there pretty much when everyone was leaving so it wasn't too bad. I feel like such a horrible person sometimes but it's just how I am. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, but I entered the NCIS sweepstakes today. If I win the grand prize I get an autographed photo of the cast, seasons 1-11 on DVD, a stuffed hippo named Bert, an NCIS hat, and a glass set I think. If I don't win the grand prize, then I win all of that stuff except the autographed photo. If I don't win at all, I will be slightly saddened, haha. I already have seasons 1-4 on DVD so holy! I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. That's seriously like my favorite show right now. Usually my favorite show changes every month or so, but not this time! =P

Also, I actually got to visit my grandfather when he was in the nursing home. My cousin and my aunt took me to see him, so that made me happy. Also, he was able to go home about 2 months ago..? Maybe a little less. We had a little party thing for his birthday. His 91st birthday! I really love my grandfather, I just don't see him as often as I would like to. He is a really strong man. He was also in WWII, and since today is Veteran's Day, I thank him for his service. I also thank all of those currently in service. :]

I finally got around to watching Doctor Who. Thank you Netflix! I'm up to the end of series 4 I believe. I've been on the last three episodes for like 2 weeks because that means the end of David Tennant and he's my favorite doctor! I just noticed his last name is TENNANT and he was the TENTH doctor. Hahahahaha oh Alex you're so observant. Anyway I was going to say, I do like Matt Smith and Christopher Eccleston, but David Tennant will always be my favorite. I suppose one of these nights, I'll have to finish series 4..

Well I guess this is the end of this entry. I will try to write again soon. Soon, as in within the next week, soon. Bye! :3

My dream. Also, I think too much..

You know those dreams you have that seem so real when you wake up you're like "did that really happen?" Well I had one of those dreams last night, and when I woke up, I was kind of sad it wasn't real. All I remember is being outside and we still had our camper and all of a sudden, my cat that died back in 2009 like popped her head out of one of the windows and was meowing at me. So I started like freaking out because in my dream I acted more like she had run away or something (which makes zero sense because she was an indoor cat). Anyway, I started freaking out and being like "I haven't seen you in so long!" and I was practically crying in my dream, and she was rubbing all over me and purring like crazy. Then I woke up, and was kind of sad. :(
But I thought it was kind of cool that she "visited" me in my dream. So I went outside where we buried her and visited her.

So I've been thinking a lot lately, and when I think, it's usually not about good things. I've been keeping this inside for a long time, but I really need to get it off my chest. I'm gonna start with when my sister was up here. So in my last entry I talked about how my grandfather wasn't doing good. Well, I haven't seen him since he had his stroke like 2 months ago (I don't have my license, or a car). So I've been really wanting to go and see him, but every damn time my dad or someone goes to visit him, IT'S WHEN I HAVE TO WORK. Every. Single. Time. So my sister that lives on the other side of the United States saw him more times than I have and I live like 40 minutes away from him, since he's in the nursing home now. It just irritated me, and this happened even before my sister came up. My dad would go after he dropped me off at work, but on his days off or my days off? Nope, didn't want to visit him.
Also, my grandmother drove my sister out to visit him all the times they went. But she has never even offered to take me to visit him. Maybe I'm just thinking too much but sometimes it feels like my family doesn't love me as much as my sister. I feel excluded from things and it sucks. I've also been thinking, "what if I moved to a different state? I wonder if they would miss me. I wonder if when I came home, they would act the same as when my sister comes home.."
I also felt this way about the relationship between my sister and our mom. I've always felt like she has a better relationship, like our mom loves her more.

I don't know, this is stupid and it's giving me a headache thinking about it. So I'm stopping my entry here. I'm posting a picture of my cat that popped up in my dream because I feel like it and I miss her.

Her name was Chelsea, but I called her Pouse. I have weird nicknames for my animals. =P
I had to go onto Myspace to get this picture..*shivers* *cringes* It's a hell hole basically, I hadn't been on it in awhile. HAHA.

Well anyway now I'm ending this entry. I'll write again sometime! :3

Blub, blub, blub

I always say that I'm gonna try to start writing more, but then 2 months go by and I still haven't written anything. OOPS. Sorry, my life isn't interesting enough to write something more than once every couple months. HAHA. However, I do have some things to write about..

First of all, my sister came back from California on the 30th. She's here until Tuesday (as in the 13th). =P
Anyway, she decided to come home because our grandfather wasn't doing well a few weeks ago. He had a stroke about 2 months ago and then he got pneumonia, AND THEN he couldn't walk or something so he's been at a nursing home for the past like 3-4 weeks. My grandmother is too weak to take care of him anymore. I also just found out that his heart is getting so weak it's having trouble pumping blood to his feet and one of his lungs. :(
It's kind of been a pain because I didn't have a car that my sister could use and she's use to always having a car when she's up here so she was kinda going crazy. But now my crappy car is on the road with its crappy brakes so yayyyy. *rolls eyes*

Another thing that happened is...I got a kitten! I am up to 4 cats now. Crazy cat lady status: 40% achieved. Anyway, her name is Lulu, and I'll post a picture, like I always do. =P

My friend had a camp this past week so I went up there and we went out in the kayaks. We went fishing in the kayaks and I was like "oh god I hope I don't catch something so big it flips my kayak." HAHA, but I didn't. I really though I caught something HUGE at one point but I was just stuck in some grass or on a log or something. I was mildly disappointed. =P
Then we went out in the boat with her uncle and continued our fishing and I caught something out there. I was pretty proud of myself. No pictures though.

Here is a picture of Lulu:

Isn't she soooo cute? :3
I adopted her from a shelter. She's such a spaz one minute and then the next she's a little Miss Purry and she's cuddling with you. Then she'll CHEW ON YOUR HEADPHONES. Damn kitten stage, HAHA.

Alright I'm gonna end this post here. I won't say I'll try writing more because I probably won't write again until like October or something. Bye bye! :3

I guess I shouldn't have said anything..

I know I haven't written in awhile, but I'm going to now because I'm kind of irritated/feeling bad.

Okay so, yesterday was my sister's and her boyfriend's 14 year anniversary. Well, I forgot it was so I never told her happy anniversary until today. Well when I did, she acted like she wasn't too impressed. Then, a few minutes later she posts a status on FB about how they're not married and that shouldn't matter. Well, it doesn't matter. If you don't want to get married, then don't. And at one point she said she "only heard from 2 people yesterday." WELL I'M SORRY I DIDN'T REMEMBER. It's not because you guys aren't married, it's just because I simply did not remember. I could have easily not wished them a happy anniversary. Even though it was late, it's better than never saying it, RIGHT? I love my sister and everything but, she can be a little dramatic sometimes. I know I should tell her all this instead of blogging about it, but I don't want this to blow up into something ridiculous.

That status could have easily not have had anything to do with me but whatever. Other than this ordeal, I've been pretty good. Had my 21st birthday on April 24th. No, I did not drink. I'm not interested in drinking. I did go to a casino though and won basically $120. Which was good for my first time, I thought. =P

Oh yeah, the weirdest thing happened to me like a week or two before my birthday. I had this weird sickness thing, and I thought it was mono but I'm still not really sure. I had a sore throat, a headache, and I was VERY tired. ALL THE TIME. I would go to bed when I got home from work at like 9 or 9:30 and sleep for like 10-12 hours and I would still be tired. And near the end of it, I would have like night sweats and stuff. One time it was really bad. I woke up at 4:30am, I don't really know why. But I could not get back to sleep so I was just watching TV. Then all of a sudden I got really hot, and started sweating. It was really freaky. So I had a wet cold washcloth by my bed at all times. Obviously I had to re-soak it but it helped cool me down. I honestly thought I was gonna die or something. By the way, when I woke up at 4:30, I was awake for the day, which sucked because I worked that night and I just wanted to sleep. But anyways, I looked up mono and I had most of the symptoms but I never went to a doctor for it because I got better. If I was still sick after like 10 days I would have gone to the doctor about it.

My other sister (the one that lives in California) told me something a couple days before my birthday but I don't know if I'll ever write about it here. I would feel bad, since it's about her and she trusted me to not tell people. But anyway, we watched The Perks of Being A Wallflower, and it's SUCH A GOOD MOVIE. I've been waiting to watch that movie since before it even came out in theaters. I read the book when I was in 8th grade, it's one of my favorite books.

But I'm gonna go do something productive, like play video games or draw. =P
I'll try to start writing more! Bye bye! :3

"I'm fine, I'm just not happy."

That quote sums up how I've been feeling lately, and not just because we had to put Brandy down. I have been feeling like this for awhile. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. But, I'm fine. This is confusing. I can't sleep either. I have to work 9 hours and I can't get to sleep. Something really random happened though. I was laying in bed, trying to sleep, when all of a sudden I got really upset. About nothing. I just wanted to cry, and I've been feeling that way for the past few days. Sometimes I wish I could just let everything out. I feel like I have so much bottled up inside of me, but I can't let it out. No matter what I do. I feel like I would feel maybe a little bit better if I just cried, but I can't. Every time I come close to crying, it's like something inside me just stops it from happening. Even if I'm alone. I hate crying in front of people, so I don't cry on purpose when I'm around people. But you know, every time I cry, a small part of me feels..ashamed? Embarrassed? I'm not really sure, but maybe that's why I can't cry anymore. I never cry, ever. It's stupid because the only time I feel like I could cry is when I'm in front of people, but then I'm like "I'll just hold it in until I get home and alone in my room" and then by the time that happens, I can't cry anymore.

Oh well, I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I just wanted to get some things off my chest. I'll write again sometime! Bye bye! :3

I Know I've Been Slacking..

Really I haven't had much to write about. All I do is play video games, watch TV, or work. None of which are interesting enough to write about. =P

But anyways, today was a sad long day. My dad and I finally decided it was time to put our 16 year old dog down. It was the right decision though, she was suffering and I didn't want her to suffer any longer. She was such a good dog and I'm going to miss her. Then obviously I had to work tonight so that was fun. I hide my emotions when I'm in front of people, so I probably didn't seem that sad. The only thing making this easier is I know she isn't suffering anymore.

Rest in peace Brandy. You're in a better place now. <3